


A Horrible, Yet Wonderful, Feeling

by yearbookcrush



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Camilla is a protective older sister as always, Homophobia, I actually wrote this about a year ago but never published it lol, M/M, Mamui is an OC oh no, Pining, Unedited and unbeta'd save my ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 20:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12373737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yearbookcrush/pseuds/yearbookcrush
Summary: Silver blinked, not sure what just happened. He opened his mouth to ask, but was unable to speak. Why was he fumbling for words now, he had been fine just mere seconds ago. Zero looked Silver over one final time before turning to leave. Silver tried to call out to him, but his words caught in his throat once again. That was when he realize he was feeling it again. That...thing. That terrible yet wonderful aching feeling in his chest, the same thing he felt when he first met Zero. But this time was different, this time Silver could pin down exactly what this feeling was. Silver finally was able to speak again, but only a whisper that only he could hear.“Oh gods, I'm in love with him, aren't I?”





	A Horrible, Yet Wonderful, Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long time ago, and I'm just putting it up now while I finish up chapter 3 of Memento Vivus in an attempt to sate y'all.

Silver was always an odd boy by Nohrian standards, he didn't care much for politics, and would much rather play with Camilla and Elise than study great warriors and kings.

 

 

Nobody truly thought anything of it, although the higher-ups in the royal court disapproved of Garon's decision to allow Silver to continue to goof off and neglect his schoolwork, nothing truly came of that aspect of the young prince's personality.

 

 

There was, however, something else entirely that set him apart from the rest of his adoptive siblings.

 

 

“Camilla, when father dies, who'll become king?” Silver asked one day, completely out of the blue.

“You know the answer already, Xander would become king.” Camilla replied.

“Yeah, but what if Xander died too?” Silver pouted, grilling his older sister for details.

“Well you certainly are morbid...you better not be planning a revolt!” The older girl teased, “But in all honesty, I'm not sure if it would be you or Leo...”

“Oh...if I became king, would I have to get married?” Silver said lowering his head so that his curly hair covered his eyes.

“Yes, you would.” Camilla replied, narrowing her eyes. “I thought you had already gotten the talk about where babies come from, and about illegitimate heirs.”

“I did, but I don't think I could marry a girl, that would be like marrying you, or Elise!” The young boy sniffled, crossing his arms.

“There are plenty of girls out there you could marry, not all girls are me or Elise, you know.” She said, trying to comfort Silver.

“I know, it's just…I couldn't marry a girl. I just couldn't. I'm glad Xander is first in line.” Silver sniffled. “I hope I'm not forced to court anyone.”

 

 

As the years passed, Silver's fears of being forced to court a Nohrian woman were eventually made reality, and most of the potential wives he befriended, but none of whom he ever fell in love with. All he ever saw it as was socialization with Nohrian subjects, nothing more, nothing less. After a while, Silver grew tired of this routine, and would find places to hide in the castle. Sometimes he would hear servants gossiping with one another about goings-on in the kingdom.

 

One conversation he heard stuck with him for years. He never knew why it did, though.

 

 

“Oh, didn't you hear about what happened with... _you know._ ” One maid said to another, hushing her tone.

“The lord that was found in bed with another man?” The second maid replied, looking back and forth to make sure nobody was listening in, overlooking the large statue Silver was hiding behind.

“Yes, him! It was absolutely vile, he had a wife and children!” The first maid said, disgusted.

“The worst part is that some people are open about things like that, that they harbor feelings for people of the same sex. It sounds like something those Hoshidan freaks would do, but no, it's happening right here! Nohrians are supposed to be the _civilized_ ones!” The second maid sneered, venom dripping from her words.

 

Silver shook with anger, anger he never knew he had. Why did those women think it was wrong for a man to love another man? What was so “barbaric” about it? It was no different than a man and a woman loving each other!

 

The young prince started to cry, trying to find a way to run away before the maids could find him. He just needed someone to talk to right now, someone that wasn't heartless like those maids. He darted from behind the statue, rubbing his tears on his sleeves.

 

“Wait, was that a person?! I thought I saw someone come out from behind that statue!” The first maid yelped, pointing to where Silver had been.

“Oh gods, were we being spied on?” The second maid groaned, pinching her brow.

 

 

It was a year or so before Silver realized why the maids' words had hurt him so deeply. His realization came slowly, and started when Leo got the bright idea to keep a thief who had broken into the palace as a retainer.

 

“You were formerly a thief, correct?” Xander asked, looking over the notes he had been given about the new retainer.

“Yes, and I was technically blackmailed into this quote-unquote 'job'.” The young man replied, gritting his teeth.

 

Silver tried to not stare at the white-haired man, half of it was curiosity as to why the man was wearing an eyepatch, the other half was some feeling he couldn't exactly place his finger on. From Silver's position at the table, he could see that this “former” thief was a bit older than Camilla, and likely didn't know how to use a hairbrush judging by the state of his hair.

 

“...According to the report, your name is Niles.” Xander continued, just as bored as the rest of the royals at the table. The white-haired man sneered at the utterance of his own name.

“Yes, and I fucking hate it.” He replied, glaring at Xander.

“Watch your tongue.” Xander said.

 

Silver opened his mouth, trying to ask Niles if he had a name he preferred to be called, but ended up choking on his own words, and looking down.

 

“What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?” Camilla whispered, turning to focus her attention at Silver.

“M-my chest hurts, I don't know why.” Silver replied, trying to keep quiet. “I keep staring at Leo's new retainer, and I was going to ask him something, but I choked up.”

“Do you want to go lie down? I can get a healer if you need one.” She said, rubbing her younger brother's back. Silver nodded, getting up.

“Silver isn't feeling too well, I'm going to take him to his room. You all can carry on.” Camilla announced.

 

As Camilla ushered Silver out, he caught a glimpse of Niles staring back at him, grinning mischievously. Silver looked down, hiding his face upon noticing. Was Niles intentionally trying to scare him away...or something else entirely?

 

Once he and Camilla were a safe distance away from where the Leo and Xander were meeting with Niles, Silver finally was able to choke out a question to his older sister.

 

“Camilla, did you think that man was suspicious?” He said, trying to muster the courage to label what had made him feel so ill. “Beyond the whole thief thing.”

“To be honest, yes. But it was mostly the disrespect they gave him as a person, I've overheard him talking to the other servants, and to Xander's retainers too. He's been asking that people not call him 'Niles', that he hates being called by his real name.” Camilla answered.

“Then what does he want to be called?” Silver asked.

“I think the name he's been giving out was the name he went by as a thief...'Zero'.” Camilla answered. “But I don't think it would be in your best interest to go running after him, trying to strike up a friendship, calling him 'Zero'. He's fairly hateful towards upper class people, and seeing as you're a royal...”

“What makes you think I'd want to be friends with him?!” Silver yelped, trying to pull his curly black hair over his eyes.

“I saw the way you were looking at him, and your complaints of 'cheat pains' all but confirmed my suspicions.” The purple haired girl chuckled. “You thought he was cute, didn't you?”

“Cute?! W-what makes you think I thought he was cute?! He's another man for the gods' sake, Camilla!” Silver choked out.

“Oh Silver, don't tell me you've been taking father's ranting seriously, the man is nearly 70! It's perfectly fine for a man to love another man!” Camilla sighed, aggrivated.

“I haven't been listening to him! It's the maids and their talk of nobles having affairs with other men!” He huffed.

“Those maids sound like useless gossiping hens to me, sweetheart. Do you know what you do with a useless, gossiping hen?” Camilla growled.

“W-what do you do with a useless, gossiping hen?” Silver said, shaking at his usually kind older sister's tone.

“You cut their head off, that stops their incessant invasion of other people's privacy.” Camilla replied, hugging Silver, who ended up face-first in her cleavage. Camilla only loosened her grip once she heard her younger brother squeaking in horror. “Ah, I'm so sorry!”

“It's fine, just give me room to breathe.” The young boy panted. “I know you're not quite used to those...inconvenience pillows.”

“Inconvenience pillows? That's got to be the most unique euphemism I've ever heard! Even if it is a bit too true some days!” Camilla laughed, ruffling Silver's hair.

 

 

After being informed of Niles', or rather, Zero's, true nature, Silver became much more cautious around him, wondering if he was truly as hateful and sadistic as people said he was. Did he have a reason to hate the upper class? What kind of horrors did he go through to become so cruel, or was he naturally like that? Silver never had the courage to speak to Zero to ask him about these things, only to observe him from afar, and wonder if he truly did think that Zero was “cute” as Camilla had thought. And eventually, he did work up the courage to talk to Zero.

 

Their meeting was a chance encounter, Silver had accidentally ran into Zero while wandering about the castle. It took Silver a good minute to work up the courage to look Zero in the eye, let alone say anything.

 

“What's wrong, prince? Cat got your tongue?” Zero said, clearly satisfied that he seemed to be intimidating the black-haired boy, with the same mischievous grin on his face that Silver saw the first time they met.

“I...I wanted to talk to you. Personally.” Silver choked out. “...Zero.”

 

Zero's expression quickly turned from smug to horrified. _“What did you just call me?”_

 

“I called you Zero. That's the name you prefer to be called, isn't it?” Silver asserted, puffing out his chest in an attempt to act confident.

“I'll give you five seconds to tell me who told you that name.” Zero growled.

 

Silver's facade of self-assuredness went away almost instantly at that moment.

 

“W-what are you going to do?!” He squeaked. Zero stepped a bit closer to Silver.

 

“ _Five...”_

“ _Four...”_

“ _Three...”_

“ _Two...”_

 

“Alright, alright, Camilla told me! She overheard you talking to Xander's retainers! S-she said you hated being called Niles!” Silver cried, curling in on himself in fear.

“Good, you were honest with me, and I proved you're just a coward, like any other royal I've met.” Zero smirked.

“I was just trying to be kind, but you intimidate me.” Silver whispered.

“...I'm guessing you want something out of me.” Zero replied.

“No, of course not! I just saw that you weren't happy when I first saw you in the first meeting you had with Leo, and I wanted to make you feel more...I don't know, happy?” Silver said.

“Why would you want me to be _happy?_ ” Zero asked, a look of confusion and surprise on his face.

“B-because I hate seeing people angry or sad! It's bad for your health, a-and it makes you bitter!” Silver explained.

“Maybe you're not as bad as I thought.” Zero smirked, leaning down to sniff the shorter boy. “...And you smell nice, too.”

 

Silver blinked, not sure what just happened. He opened his mouth to ask, but was unable to speak. Why was he fumbling for words now, he had been fine just mere seconds ago. Zero looked Silver over one final time before turning to leave. Silver tried to call out to him, but his words caught in his throat once again. That was when he realize he was feeling it again. That... _thing._ That terrible yet wonderful aching feeling in his chest, the same thing he felt when he first met Zero. But this time was different, this time Silver could pin down exactly what this feeling was. Silver finally was able to speak again, but only a whisper that only he could hear.

 

“ _Oh gods, I'm in love with him, aren't I?”_

 


End file.
